October

The 1st 10 days of October looked something like this:
Oct. 1-3 Desiring God, 2010 National Conference: Think, The life of the mind, and the love of God.
Oct. 4-7 work
Oct. 7 Anthem concert
Oct. 8-10 Pursuit of Purity, 180 Fall retreat

To say that I learned a lot and was challenged is, to say the least, an understatement.

To be quite honest prior to October I knew I was in a valley of my faith. One where you don't read your bible because you don't feel close to God, and you don't feel close to God because you aren't reading His word. It sucks being there. It feels like a trap, complete with no motivation or ability to see how one might go about removing yourself from it. I knew the phrase "you can't pour out, if you aren't getting poured into."

A friend told me about the conference, I checked into, and decided I hadn't been to a conference/retreat in quite awhile so I could go. Click here for a list of the sessions that you can download and view for yourself. My personal highlights are:
1. Tullian Tchividjian's talk on Giving thought to gospel 'Math': Why Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING
One of my favorite lines from this talk was, "God loves us too much to give us our old idols back - the things we think we need."

2. Randy Alcorn's talk on Difficult truths & deep love: Pondering Sovereignty, suffering, and the promise of heaven
I own his book entitled Heaven so I've read some already on this topic. But one activity he suggested the audience to do was write a list of the 'worst' things in our life. Once we are certain the list is complete turn it over or grab another sheet and write a list of the 'best' things in our life. After finishing, look at both lists and see if there are any connections between them.

I know in my own personal life, much, if not all of the good things, have come after enduring a hardship. Maybe I would still view these things as good had they happened without the hardship, but I think I know myself and our culture well enough to suggest I and others wouldn't appreciate the 'good' as much without the hardship.

"You make, all things, work together for my good...." "Oh Lord, thank you for not answering all my prayers, AND for using my poor decisions for a better purpose."

3. Rick Warren "Don't believe everything your mind tells you." WOW. I know that I KNOW that. But for some reason it seemed so powerful hearing it audibly. My mind thinks a lot, and I mean A LOT, of random and ridiculous, non purposeful thoughts. "Philippians 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." "God, help me to store this truth in my mind to ward off the garbage satan tries to collect there."

4. Getting to be present for the presentation of the book For the Fame of God's Name Essays in Honor of John Piper. Knowing just a small amount on John Piper's sabbatical for the greater part of this year, I was in awe of the fact that God KNEW and PLANNED for this book to be finished in the middle of it. Despite the fact that they started the planning and visioning of the book 3 years ago!! It still gives me the chills. I LOVE that God did that, at such a time as that in John's life.

5. Francis Chan's talk on Think Hard, Stay Humble: The Life of the Mind and the Peril of Pride. Please just listen to this one. I won't do it justice, honestly.
In the panel discussion previous to Chan's talk, he stated that he was nervous and anxious about it. At the beginning of his talk he says he spent the time between praying and seeking God and that whatever came out was from God. (my own words) And I think do to his humble stance, God did speak through him, very strongly.
*When was the last time that you wept for the lost?
*Do you mourn for those who mourn?
*Do people get a glimpse of God by how much love they see in you & your church/brothers??
Romans 9:1-2 "I speak the truth in Christ - I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit - I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart." "God please help me to think of myself less, and love others the way you do. To have an unending supply of relating to the hurt in others in my heart for those around me."

Anthem. amazing worship with over 1,200 people mostly students from jr. high, high school, and college.

Pursuit of Purity
this video sums of the purpose of this retreat. It was challenging, but incredibly cool to have these conversations with Junior high students (6th, 7th, and 8th graders) To see them 'get it.' That we don't have to and shouldn't believe what society tells us all the time.

Paul Sabino did a great job breaking it down into:
God's Great design
Satan's great deceptions
Our great response
Engaging the battle for purity

The 3 lies he shared that would silence us (the adults/leaders/parents) are very real:
1. Who are you to talk with all your past failures.
2. Who are you to talk with all your current failings.
3. It's way too akward to talk to them about sex & purity, so just avoid it.

"You won't have time to talk to your kids about this weekend. But I promise you, if you make time for it.... It will make a difference."

I'm so grateful we have a God who pursues us, wherever we are. Who loves us to meet us where we are, but also loves us enough to not let us stay there if it isn't where we should be. I am so encouraged by the truths that I've learned through this month, as well as the ones that God has graciously helped me uncover once again.

Transformation happens when we READ, MEMORIZE, and LIVE OUT THE WORD!!

Moving

First off, let me share a little chart with you that I put together:

	PLACES	LENGTH	WITH
	Todd Dr.	June ‘03-Aug ’03	dad, his girlfriend
	Friley Dorm	Aug ’03 - May ’04	Britni
	Todd Dr. (again)	May ’04 - Nov ’04	dad, his girlfriend
	Sterling University (now University West)	Nov ’04 - May ’06	Jenn, Staci, Abbey, Ashlyn, Katie
	Fountain View Apartments	May ’06 - July ’07	Christi, Sarah
	826 Dickinson	Aug ’07 - July '08	Natalie, Emily, Melissa
	Meg’s Bedroom	Aug ’08	Meg, and her roommates
	Walnut Place (The couch at my friends apt)	Aug ’08 - Sept ’08	Carley, Dani, Katie, Keri
	Sand Cherry Lane	Oct ’08 - May ’09	Joy, Scott, Joe, Sam, Naomi, Josh
	E. 7th St.	May ’09 - May ’10	Debra, Brian
	North Dakota (Creek Blvd.)	June ’10 - July ’10	Tracy, Samantha, Angie
	????	????	????
TOTAL	12	7 years	33

If you can't look at that chart and think to yourself, "HOLY COW" "DANG GIRL!!!" "ARE YOU SICK OF MOVING?!?" then you probably need to glance back up look at the dates and the totals I put at the bottom for those that just want to glance quick.

12 places in 7 years. 33 roommates. To say the least, I've learned a lot about me in that time. Whom I'm compatible with. The characteristics I like about myself, and those that I'd like to work on. The qualities I hope to find in a guy that I might marry someday if the Lord has that in my path.

This last week it finally became overwhelming. I hit the wall that I've learned many would have hit a long time ago. Somewhere a long the trail of life in 7 years I acquired much of what is needed to fill a small house. So each time, I GET to pack it all up, and haul it off to the next place. Some of the places I've lived (more towards the past 2 years) I knew it was short term, so prior to moving I had to pack with the mind of "Will I need this in the next ______?" and put it in the container that fit its new description.

One thing is for sure that I've learned to TRUST in God through this because He's clearly had His hand in all of it and I know it does me no good to worry. Zero. NADA. Well like a few other things, 'worldness' (my word for societal norms if you will) creeps in. This comes by way of being asked by every other person, "so where are you living now?" and any variation of it. Once enough people ask you about something, or at least me, it makes me think more on the subject. SO there I admit, I started to doubt, be frustrated with all this moving, wanting a 'settled' life whatever that looked like, have permanence, a desire to actually unpack EVERYTHING. So on Thursday before work I finally lost it. cried like a baby. after my roommate left for work. yep and PRIDEFUL, thank you.

I keep wondering should I just sell it all? Or at least some of it? But then I'll be irritated in ___ years when this is changed and I could use the couch that I bought, sold for a fraction of the price, and now have to buy new. I don't enjoy realizing "oh hey I need ______. Now is that at Moms? Dad's? Storage in Union? With me and I can't find it? or in my trunk???" Yes I get to run through 5 places before I chalk whatever it is on the list of Lost items from all the moving.

I wish this is what moving looked like:

Well I can promise you that I've learned A LOT about patience, and being in the world but not of it. (Disclaimer, it is not advised to move from your lush *I don't care where you live in America, it is lush* apartment less than 36 hours back from a 3rd world country) I don't know what is in store, in 2 weeks for me. I know it will be fine. Worst case scenario, I wisely have stored my tent, sleeping bag, and camping gear in my trunk, so it just might be camping season ;)

Wisdom #1 Fantasizing vs. Accepting

I read this awesome book Wisdom Hunter that my boss suggested. Awesome is an understatement. More on the book later. However there was a concept in that book that I'm going to be applying from now and that was writing down the big things I learn along the way.

I was talking with my mom about life a week or so ago and expressing some of my frustrations. She's done a good job of asking questions to get me to develop my own opinion versus accepting hers. Towards the end of the conversation she said, "you know Jess, maybe you've been fantasizing what it should have been, but instead you need to accept what it was." At first my reaction was the typical mental note of 'yeah, yeah, yeah...' But of course she said it to me right before I left her house with an hour drive ahead of me.

What did I think about at least 70% of the way back.... her statement of course!!! And of course I stumbled upon the reality that I was doing that. Not to mention that we live in a world that does that.

I guess it falls into the category of 'keeping up with the Jones' ' But in reality I think it comes down to pride. Pride that if my life were just like so and so it'd be better in this way or that way. I was really doing that with my past and my family upbringing. The truth is that God did it the way He did ON PURPOSE.

So whatever it is you think you need to have or be to be better or do better at whatever.... Look at the tool kit you already have. Chances are the tool is down at the bottom underneath everything. Or quite possibly the tool you thought you needed, wasn't at all necessary for the job.

Timing

God's timing usually makes me smile when I finally see/understand even a small portion of what is going on......... But occasionally it makes me laugh. And that is exactly what I've done for the past couple of hours.

Working in a coffee shop, seeing many faces, some of which are regulars and some I've never seen before. I love knowing that God uses moments and conversations in their lives far more than I can fathom. Every once in awhile He allows me to see a small part of how He might be using it and it brings me great JOY.

Two weeks ago I worked Saturday night. I was starting to feel tired with 2 hours left in my shift when this couple walked in. Something about them drew me into conversation with them. I'm pretty sure it began with me asking about their tattoos (I love tattoos. And I also know they always have a story...) Long story short, they are christians, she's not from here and doesn't know a bunch of people, and aren't currently attending a church. So I invited them to the Church I'm a part of Cornerstone, gave her my name and number and told her I'd love to take them anytime. She added me to facebook a few days later :) I'm excited to get to know them, they are into art too!

Tonight, also a Saturday......I worked again. I'll spare the details....maybe someday the readers of this blog will get to hear them..... In short it was a God moment that totally made me laugh on the inside for the rest of the night. I could just imagine God smiling and enjoying His humor!

I guess in short....I should be willing to work more Saturday nights....

Mighty to Save

This week was the last 'real' week of TSC. Next week there is still Salt, but it's Anthem! And I love Anthem :) My friends and I started some odd tradition of dressing up like country folk.....which makes it all the more funny. (I think this tradition started because my friend and I randomly bought new cowboy boots on the day of one Anthem and of course wore them to show them off...)

Anyways. Salt Company. 4.23.09 Mark Arant. Romans 16

We began the night singing two of my three favorite songs. Two of the lines from both songs were:

"You've stolen my heart, yes you have"

"I cannot run, your love is chasing me"

And that just got me to thinking about God's constant pursuit of us. He never gives up on us, and I love that. Everyone on this earth will, at some point, fail us. It's inevitable, were human, sinful, and suck at life from time to time. BUT He doesn't!!!

I've really been battling through this concept due to a situation that is very dear to my heart. We chase after so many things in this life because we think we will find our happiness in them. We are such short term thinkers. We need to see results right now, or it couldn't POSSIBLY be beneficial for us. I know that I need to think long term, and I strive to do so....but amidst all the marketing and promoting of 'this will make you happy, you need this, everyone has it' we are encouraged to jump the short term thinking boat. (thanks to my marketing degree I don't buy these slogans as much anymore  ;) ha)

Another part of this problem is, is that when we sin, and sin boldly Satan convinces us that we are far beyond the reach of God and that God couldn't possibly want us back. The lies go deeper into we could never be forgiven for whatever we've done. These statements, which are lies, couldn't be farther from the truth. The God who SAVED you, is ABLE to SAVE you AGAIN. In other words He is willing and able to fight for you and does not desire to let you go. He longs to establish us in our faith. He has called us His. This truth blows me away in awe of who He is and how much he loves you and me. He is mighty to save.

That truth has given me so much assurance for the lost sheep out there, and for those of us who slip into short term thinking. He desires to take us out of our depths, and show us who we can be.

His love is chasing you.

The Lost Sheep

This past week at church we went through Matthew 18:1-14. I've always liked certain verses, but I think it's safe to say that this chunk of scripture is my favorite. Especially v. 10-14 which read: 

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost."

Seeing God's heart like this amazes me. He has 99 being obedient, following Him. Yet, he leaves them, to go and find the one that has strayed away. He is not willing that any of these be lost. I think this truth is the key to defeating Satan's lies when we've been tempted into sin and are believing that God has given up on us. SO far from the truth!!

So often we get in a mindset of looking down on the 'lost sheep' and their waywardness. Like verse 10 and 11 say "don't look down on one of these..." God has His angels watching them as well as us, and who are we to question their path or God's timing. 

We are always influencing those around us. The impending question is towards what? It is my prayer that I am influencing those around me towards Him. I, like you, have my lost sheep kind of days. It is because of those kind of days I'm able to see the reward, value, and urgency to allow Him to bring us back to the flock!

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Use the Moment You're In. Step Out Into the Day. Take Advantage of what You've Been Given.

Every Monday night is art night for Ms. Abby Wiese and myself. It's an awesome outlet to express the talents we've both been given. This past week I invited another friend to come hang out with us. I gave her a canvas and said "get busy." Ha. Little did I know it was going to be the thought at the forefront of my mind for the following week.

Carpe Diem is what she chose to paint. We talked a little bit about it that night, but it was the following days conversations that really got me!

At work on Tuesday, I was talking about Carpe Diem and what that means to each of my co-workers. Obviously, seize the day, was one of their answers, to which I politely said, "and that means what for you?" It was sweet to listen to their answers! It was the conversation for the next two days.

Wednesday night came and the passage was on Philippians 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel." Interesting. Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a way worthy of the gospel. Live for someone other than yourself. Use what you've been given to glorify Him who first gave it to you. Despite how others respond, continue to choose to step out. Carpe Diem.

At this point I'm clearly thinking "okay God, I get it. You want me to seize the day. Not let other people's opinions effect my own.....But what situation exactly are you getting at?" a few minutes pass and the "AHA" moment comes. Got it. I'll choose to Seize the Day in all circumstances. Then one of my new favorite songs came to mind. Bebo Norman "Step Out Into the Day" the lyrics are as follows:

You could turn a hundred years and never empty all your fears
They're pouring out like broken words and broken bones
They could fill a thousand pages, be the cry for all the ages
And the song for every soul who stands alone

The ache of life is more than you are able
Hold on love, don't give upDon't close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It's over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it's all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It's over now

Time will let the story told grow and grow 'til it unfolds
In a way that even you cannot ignore
You can say the seasons change but never if you just remain
In a place where the freeze is at your door

What you don't know is the signs are right for the turning tide

Hold on love, don't give up
Don't close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It's over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it's all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love

Hold on, hold on
It won't be long
So hold on

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It's over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it's all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It's over now.

LOVE IT!! Go out and Seize the Day.