"All things for My good..."

It's been almost a year. How does that happen!?! Life has been teaching me so much. I think the consistent theme is that God can and does use all things for His greater good.

My grandma past away in March, roughly 2 weeks over the one year mark of me taking her to the hospital. What a challenging year that was. Through that vulnerable time I desired for God to use my faith in Him in some clear way to share with at least one person. To date, there's been 2! Both of which were incredibly hard, and not at all how my mind envisioned being used by Him. But that's the best part! Because they were unexpected conversations, I didn't have a preplanned, scripted conversation in my head that I PLANNED out. I was forced to be fully dependent on Him and the words that He would give me.

After serving with the junior high ministry at church for 3 years I made the switch to Salt Company, the college ministry. I felt like God was calling me back to that ministry but I knew I also really wanted to be doing it again so was hopeful it really was God's plan!! The first week revealed that it was. I loved their ability to trust and share their lives with me after knowing me for less than 1 hour. I recently had a conversation with one of the girls that gave me the opportunity to share with her much of my past to direct her to truth. She proceeded to then say, "I don't like it yet, but I know it's Truth." What a sweet place to be. To know that God uses my sin and brokenness to appeal to others where they are at and point them to His Truth and Love and Grace.

So often I can be bummed out about my life prior to knowing Him. And it's incredibly humbling watching Him use it for His purposes.

October

The 1st 10 days of October looked something like this:
Oct. 1-3 Desiring God, 2010 National Conference: Think, The life of the mind, and the love of God.
Oct. 4-7 work
Oct. 7 Anthem concert
Oct. 8-10 Pursuit of Purity, 180 Fall retreat

To say that I learned a lot and was challenged is, to say the least, an understatement.

To be quite honest prior to October I knew I was in a valley of my faith. One where you don't read your bible because you don't feel close to God, and you don't feel close to God because you aren't reading His word. It sucks being there. It feels like a trap, complete with no motivation or ability to see how one might go about removing yourself from it. I knew the phrase "you can't pour out, if you aren't getting poured into."

A friend told me about the conference, I checked into, and decided I hadn't been to a conference/retreat in quite awhile so I could go. Click here for a list of the sessions that you can download and view for yourself. My personal highlights are:
1. Tullian Tchividjian's talk on Giving thought to gospel 'Math': Why Jesus + Nothing = EVERYTHING
One of my favorite lines from this talk was, "God loves us too much to give us our old idols back - the things we think we need."

2. Randy Alcorn's talk on Difficult truths & deep love: Pondering Sovereignty, suffering, and the promise of heaven
I own his book entitled Heaven so I've read some already on this topic. But one activity he suggested the audience to do was write a list of the 'worst' things in our life. Once we are certain the list is complete turn it over or grab another sheet and write a list of the 'best' things in our life. After finishing, look at both lists and see if there are any connections between them.

I know in my own personal life, much, if not all of the good things, have come after enduring a hardship. Maybe I would still view these things as good had they happened without the hardship, but I think I know myself and our culture well enough to suggest I and others wouldn't appreciate the 'good' as much without the hardship.

"You make, all things, work together for my good...." "Oh Lord, thank you for not answering all my prayers, AND for using my poor decisions for a better purpose."

3. Rick Warren "Don't believe everything your mind tells you." WOW. I know that I KNOW that. But for some reason it seemed so powerful hearing it audibly. My mind thinks a lot, and I mean A LOT, of random and ridiculous, non purposeful thoughts. "Philippians 4:8 Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." "God, help me to store this truth in my mind to ward off the garbage satan tries to collect there."

4. Getting to be present for the presentation of the book For the Fame of God's Name Essays in Honor of John Piper. Knowing just a small amount on John Piper's sabbatical for the greater part of this year, I was in awe of the fact that God KNEW and PLANNED for this book to be finished in the middle of it. Despite the fact that they started the planning and visioning of the book 3 years ago!! It still gives me the chills. I LOVE that God did that, at such a time as that in John's life.

5. Francis Chan's talk on Think Hard, Stay Humble: The Life of the Mind and the Peril of Pride. Please just listen to this one. I won't do it justice, honestly.
In the panel discussion previous to Chan's talk, he stated that he was nervous and anxious about it. At the beginning of his talk he says he spent the time between praying and seeking God and that whatever came out was from God. (my own words) And I think do to his humble stance, God did speak through him, very strongly.
*When was the last time that you wept for the lost?
*Do you mourn for those who mourn?
*Do people get a glimpse of God by how much love they see in you & your church/brothers??
Romans 9:1-2 "I speak the truth in Christ - I am not lying, my conscience confirms it in the Holy Spirit - I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart." "God please help me to think of myself less, and love others the way you do. To have an unending supply of relating to the hurt in others in my heart for those around me."

Anthem. amazing worship with over 1,200 people mostly students from jr. high, high school, and college.

Pursuit of Purity
this video sums of the purpose of this retreat. It was challenging, but incredibly cool to have these conversations with Junior high students (6th, 7th, and 8th graders) To see them 'get it.' That we don't have to and shouldn't believe what society tells us all the time.

Paul Sabino did a great job breaking it down into:
God's Great design
Satan's great deceptions
Our great response
Engaging the battle for purity

The 3 lies he shared that would silence us (the adults/leaders/parents) are very real:
1. Who are you to talk with all your past failures.
2. Who are you to talk with all your current failings.
3. It's way too akward to talk to them about sex & purity, so just avoid it.

"You won't have time to talk to your kids about this weekend. But I promise you, if you make time for it.... It will make a difference."

I'm so grateful we have a God who pursues us, wherever we are. Who loves us to meet us where we are, but also loves us enough to not let us stay there if it isn't where we should be. I am so encouraged by the truths that I've learned through this month, as well as the ones that God has graciously helped me uncover once again.

Transformation happens when we READ, MEMORIZE, and LIVE OUT THE WORD!!

Moving

First off, let me share a little chart with you that I put together:

	PLACES	LENGTH	WITH
	Todd Dr.	June ‘03-Aug ’03	dad, his girlfriend
	Friley Dorm	Aug ’03 - May ’04	Britni
	Todd Dr. (again)	May ’04 - Nov ’04	dad, his girlfriend
	Sterling University (now University West)	Nov ’04 - May ’06	Jenn, Staci, Abbey, Ashlyn, Katie
	Fountain View Apartments	May ’06 - July ’07	Christi, Sarah
	826 Dickinson	Aug ’07 - July '08	Natalie, Emily, Melissa
	Meg’s Bedroom	Aug ’08	Meg, and her roommates
	Walnut Place (The couch at my friends apt)	Aug ’08 - Sept ’08	Carley, Dani, Katie, Keri
	Sand Cherry Lane	Oct ’08 - May ’09	Joy, Scott, Joe, Sam, Naomi, Josh
	E. 7th St.	May ’09 - May ’10	Debra, Brian
	North Dakota (Creek Blvd.)	June ’10 - July ’10	Tracy, Samantha, Angie
	????	????	????
TOTAL	12	7 years	33

If you can't look at that chart and think to yourself, "HOLY COW" "DANG GIRL!!!" "ARE YOU SICK OF MOVING?!?" then you probably need to glance back up look at the dates and the totals I put at the bottom for those that just want to glance quick.

12 places in 7 years. 33 roommates. To say the least, I've learned a lot about me in that time. Whom I'm compatible with. The characteristics I like about myself, and those that I'd like to work on. The qualities I hope to find in a guy that I might marry someday if the Lord has that in my path.

This last week it finally became overwhelming. I hit the wall that I've learned many would have hit a long time ago. Somewhere a long the trail of life in 7 years I acquired much of what is needed to fill a small house. So each time, I GET to pack it all up, and haul it off to the next place. Some of the places I've lived (more towards the past 2 years) I knew it was short term, so prior to moving I had to pack with the mind of "Will I need this in the next ______?" and put it in the container that fit its new description.

One thing is for sure that I've learned to TRUST in God through this because He's clearly had His hand in all of it and I know it does me no good to worry. Zero. NADA. Well like a few other things, 'worldness' (my word for societal norms if you will) creeps in. This comes by way of being asked by every other person, "so where are you living now?" and any variation of it. Once enough people ask you about something, or at least me, it makes me think more on the subject. SO there I admit, I started to doubt, be frustrated with all this moving, wanting a 'settled' life whatever that looked like, have permanence, a desire to actually unpack EVERYTHING. So on Thursday before work I finally lost it. cried like a baby. after my roommate left for work. yep and PRIDEFUL, thank you.

I keep wondering should I just sell it all? Or at least some of it? But then I'll be irritated in ___ years when this is changed and I could use the couch that I bought, sold for a fraction of the price, and now have to buy new. I don't enjoy realizing "oh hey I need ______. Now is that at Moms? Dad's? Storage in Union? With me and I can't find it? or in my trunk???" Yes I get to run through 5 places before I chalk whatever it is on the list of Lost items from all the moving.

I wish this is what moving looked like:

Well I can promise you that I've learned A LOT about patience, and being in the world but not of it. (Disclaimer, it is not advised to move from your lush *I don't care where you live in America, it is lush* apartment less than 36 hours back from a 3rd world country) I don't know what is in store, in 2 weeks for me. I know it will be fine. Worst case scenario, I wisely have stored my tent, sleeping bag, and camping gear in my trunk, so it just might be camping season ;)

Fat and Sassy, Mean and Nasty

The statement you will hear my grandma make if you spend any time talking or listening to her. It truly sums up the past 3 weeks of my life.

February 24th my dad, his girlfriend Jamie, my sister, and I headed out to Sun City, Arizona to visit my grandparents who winter there. We arrived late Thursday night, exhausted after a 26 hour drive. Friday morning I was the first to awake from our crew to be greeted by my grandparents. I LOVE THEM. (I know every kid would say this about their grandparents, but seriously. They both played a strong roll in my life growing up with many great memories. Our family has always been incredibly close, still getting together on the major holidays and having 25+ people at their house) It was so great to see them considering they'd been gone since the beginning of December. The rest of Friday was spent just hanging out and resting from the journey.

Saturday morning my dad and his girlfriend left to go visit one of her relatives. They would come back early afternoon and the 6 of us would go site see.....or so we planned. God's plan was different.....

I can't explain how, other than the Holy Spirit inside of me, but I was on high alert of something 'unplanned' happening while we were there. I was blow drying my hair when I thought I heard something. I turned it off to hear my grandma saying "Gary.........Gary....." It sounded faint, but I thought that was because she was in the opposite side of the house. I went to check out what was going on to see that my grandma was no where near my sound asleep grandfather. I immediately turned back around the way I had come and took a turn into their bedroom. Where much to my surprise I found my grandma laying on the bed heaving for air. "Grandma I'm here, I love you" was out of my mouth before I could fully comprehend the moment. I got my grandpa up and convinced them both that we needed to go to the hospital. I phoned my dad to give him the heads up and we headed out. (Wish I had a picture of this event with my sister aiding in the effort straight from the shower in only a towel, but due to the circumstances.... no such documentation exists, you'll just have to trust me!)

I knew the situation was serious. But no part of me ever thought 'I should call 911.' We arrived in the ER of Banner Health Hospital, where they took one look at her and we were nearly whisked off to a room, arriving there along side 6 nurses who began to poke needles in all kinds of places and ask me lots of questions. 'Wait, hold on. I'm on vacation. This isn't supposed to be happening. I have no idea what you just said. Can you repeat that. I'm gonna have to make a phone call for that answer' is all floating through my thoughts.

My Aunt Kathy used to be an RN, and out of our entire family she is the most capable of listing off all of grandmas medical history without referring to paperwork. I called her. I didn't want to, simply because I knew she'd be worried about the urgent need, but I knew she was my best option. Then I called dad and said I was sorry but I thought they should head back, and pick up my sister at home alone.

The day unfolded in a whirlwind of emotions, tests for her to undergo, and lots of just sitting by her side stroking her hair, and holding her hand. By evening we had discovered she'd thrown 2 blood clots to the lungs, had a urinary track infection that they suspected went septic (into her blood), and her heart was in arterial fibulation. That sounds like a lot for someone like me to overcome, let alone my tired and now very weak grandma.

We let dad's sisters know and although they were sad to not be there to see her and be with her, none of them made plans to head down. Sunday evening, into Monday morning, things to an immediate turn for the worse and with the grave outlook at that time, all my aunts booked flights and flew in.

We spent the remainder of that week in AZ; 9 people in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house, and 2 cars for commuting....its a good thing we're close :) ; and by Friday it was decided to air ambulance her back to Ames, IA Mary Greeley Medical Center. So her and 5 of us got on flights, while the other 4 hung back, closed down the house and drove the 2 cars back. PRAISE GOD we all arrived without any glitches to the system.

I sit here in the hospital room watching her rest as we come upon her 4 week mark of hospitalization. I had to check the calendar as I typed that to double check the accuracy of the statement! These weeks and days have been filled with many highs and lows as one can only imagine.

I've learned much in these weeks, and I know that I'm not fully aware of all that I'm being taught!

1. I do desire to get married. Somedays that desire is more prevalent than others. Watching my grandpa care for my grandma, check all of her monitors, watch over her, caress her hand, kiss her, and check all of her monitors again to make sure he didn't disturb anything, BLOWS me away. They've been married going on 57, and while I'm fully aware that marriage isn't always a walk in the park, they have fought through it all, and there love for each other is evident! Talk about bringing truth to the 'in sickness and in health' vows.

There love has encouraged me to think not only about a marriage relationship, but showing love and my care for those around me always without fear over guarding of my heart.

2. My grandma is definitely where I get my stubbornness! She is full of it :) Having some is definitely not a bad thing, I'm confident its a lot of what has pulled her through this whole fight. Every time you ask her how she's doing "fat and sassy, mean and nasty" comes out.

3. Family and friends are vital. God gave us a need for community. It broke my heart when we were at Banner Health when the nurses would cry simply at the fact that there were the 5 of us there for my grandma, and when we told them my aunts were flying in they broke down again. A few of them told us that often people are left there to fight their battles alone. I watched as nearly everyone of her nurses broke to rules of visitors in my grandma's room at a time. I watched as the nurses came back on shift from their day off, and although my grandma wasn't their patient again, they made it down to see her and us 'to check in'. I know for a fact that I saw each one of them cry, and I'm pretty sure I hugged each of them too. People matter.

I don't even know the extent of all the people that know about the happenings in the Maxwell family lately . But I do know that prayers are being lifted up, and answered!

my favorite picture from the trip, that without the hospitalization.... would not have been captured. Thank you God for allowing me to see Your Love through this.

She's awake. Says its time to watch the news :)

Creating in the Kitchen

About a year ago I found out that I have Celiac Disease. What is that you ask? Well it's an auto-immune disease where you're body rejects the gluten protein or leavening agent in wheat. There is no cure for it other than to avoid food with wheat in it. I've been creating and trying recipes here and there for new options... and here are two good ones so far:

#1 I love breakfast food. So it was a huge bummer when I realized I could no longer have pancakes, or my favorite belgian waffles! I was expressing this disappointment to my mom so we made potato pancakes. They turned out awesome!

Recipe:

4 Large Potatoes

1 Yellow Onion

1 Egg beaten

1 tsp Salt

2-3 Tbsp Baking Soda

1-2 tsp. Ground Cinnamon

Pepper to taste

Vegetable oil for skillet

Finely grate potatoes and onion into a large bowl. Drain off any excess liquid. Mix in egg, salt, pepper, and Cinnamon. Add enough Baking Soda to make mixture thick, about 2 to 3 Tablespoons. Heat 1/4 inch oil in the bottom of a heavy skillet over medium high heat. Drop 2 or 3 1/4 cup mounds into hot oil, and flatten to make 1/2 in. thick pancakes. Fry, turning once, until golden brown. Transfer to paper towel lined plates to drain. If not serving immediately keep warm in a 200 degrees F oven until serving time. Repeat until mixture is used.

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You can make potato pancakes both shredded and from mashed potatoes. I've done both, and feel that the shredded style hold up the best.

#2 I love Mexican food! This winter I've been experimenting with a lot of soups. I think of a dish that I like and then think of a way to make that in soup form. That's how I created this Enchilada Soup:

I used:

1 yellow onion chopped

2 Cloves garlic

2 cans Black beans (drained and rinsed)

2 Cans diced tomatoes w/ green chilies

1 large can Enchilada Sauce (double check label for gluten additives)

2 cups cooked and shredded turkey (could use chicken)

2 cups frozen corn

2 cups chicken broth (check for gluten free)

1 cup Velveeta Cheese

Shredded Cheese for garnish

Crunched tortilla chips for garnish

In a big stock pot I sauteed the onion in a little bit of Olive Oil. Add the garlic and allow onion to get tender. Add all ingredients except for last 3. Cook on medium heat covered until bubbly. Put Velveeta in a microwave safe dish with a little bit of milk and heat in 30 sec. increments until melted. Add to soup. Dish up and serve with cheese and Chips on top!

Enjoy!

Boredum

Most people watch tv, read a book, etc. when they get bored. What does a artistic person do (when she's also bored of the above mentioned things....)

Make it Happen

A few days ago a doctor told us at Burgie's MGMC that there are 5 foods you should eat every day. They are:

- Spinach
- Eggs
- Winter squash (acorn, butternut, etc.)
- Apples
- Blueberries

There you have it. Be healthy now.

Thanksgiving

I grew up in this small town, Union, IA. I try to tell people what life was like there, but quite frankly when you grow up in Ames or any other bigger town similar......it's hard to imagine a town of 600. And that's INCLUDING all the people in the country.

Case in point. I went home for thanksgiving with My Mom, Stepdad, Sister, and Stepdad's extended family. My sister and I went into town early to see our cousins and hang out before lunch. We turn down the road to my Uncle's house and from 3 blocks away we can see this house that looks like something strange is going on. 2 blocks away you begin to make out that it appears they have some yard blow up Christmas decorations. 1 block away and you realize that SOME doesn't even begin to describe the issue. To put it plainly.....the Griswald's moved to Union and the next National Lampoon's Vacation will be featuring my home town ;) (so if there were really were one being made it should be of these people......)

I immediately roll down the window. Stop and tell my sister to take pictures. I had to take 3 to get ALL the displays included. Who knew elephants had something to do with Christmas.

A little bit further north and you get the view that encompasses the largest quantity...

And the final shot......forget the sleigh this year folks. Santa's headin' your way on a Harley or ATV. Watch out ;) That's right.....a grand total of 39!!!!! I would hate to know their electric bill

One of the most humorous parts of this sight is that our Grandma used to live here. So we have many memories including this house, but never were we so creative!

I left my hometown shortly after lunch was prepared with tupperware containers of everything and headed back to Ames to be at work by noon. One of our regulars came in just after I had got to work. He couldn't believe we were open and was very concerned that I had to eat Thanksgiving dinner alone, in the car. So he promised to return before I got off work. He showed up around 6:30 with a grocery sack full of goodies. Said "we packaged it in containers we don't need back so don't worry about saving them. Happy Thanksgiving" This is what my feast included:

I am so blessed to have people in my life that are so thoughtful!

Wisdom #1 Fantasizing vs. Accepting

I read this awesome book Wisdom Hunter that my boss suggested. Awesome is an understatement. More on the book later. However there was a concept in that book that I'm going to be applying from now and that was writing down the big things I learn along the way.

I was talking with my mom about life a week or so ago and expressing some of my frustrations. She's done a good job of asking questions to get me to develop my own opinion versus accepting hers. Towards the end of the conversation she said, "you know Jess, maybe you've been fantasizing what it should have been, but instead you need to accept what it was." At first my reaction was the typical mental note of 'yeah, yeah, yeah...' But of course she said it to me right before I left her house with an hour drive ahead of me.

What did I think about at least 70% of the way back.... her statement of course!!! And of course I stumbled upon the reality that I was doing that. Not to mention that we live in a world that does that.

I guess it falls into the category of 'keeping up with the Jones' ' But in reality I think it comes down to pride. Pride that if my life were just like so and so it'd be better in this way or that way. I was really doing that with my past and my family upbringing. The truth is that God did it the way He did ON PURPOSE.

So whatever it is you think you need to have or be to be better or do better at whatever.... Look at the tool kit you already have. Chances are the tool is down at the bottom underneath everything. Or quite possibly the tool you thought you needed, wasn't at all necessary for the job.

Grande size it please....

I was talking with one of my awesome friends Jessie Vasquez a week or so ago about God's blessings. She was telling me about how much God had blessed her recently and she was able to recount many of the things she felt blessed by.

We were also discussing the concept of God calling us to be a blessing to others and what that looks like realistically. I find it interesting that I can recount several times that within a few days I've felt continually blessed to the point of wondering "WHAT THE HECK??" Not that I don't enjoy being blessed. I'm pretty sure everyone does. But rather a humbling response as in, I so don't deserve this. And that's where the fork in the road is and I tend very often, to go to wrong direction off this fork.

Let me explain. My immediate reaction is yes, I don't deserve this. But in my sinful nature my next statement or thought is, "well I would really like........." fill in the blank, you know what I mean. So instead of allowing my blessings to over flow, you know that phrase 'my cup over floweth' I just allow my personal blessing cup to grow taller. I didn't realize this or connect the dots until my conversation with Jessie.

We all have someone in our lives that could use a blessing. And it's my belief that God could use us to be a blessing to them. So I challenged Jessie, and myself to the next time we feel the blessings being thrown at us to keep our 'cup size' in check. No grande cups :)

Timing

God's timing usually makes me smile when I finally see/understand even a small portion of what is going on......... But occasionally it makes me laugh. And that is exactly what I've done for the past couple of hours.

Working in a coffee shop, seeing many faces, some of which are regulars and some I've never seen before. I love knowing that God uses moments and conversations in their lives far more than I can fathom. Every once in awhile He allows me to see a small part of how He might be using it and it brings me great JOY.

Two weeks ago I worked Saturday night. I was starting to feel tired with 2 hours left in my shift when this couple walked in. Something about them drew me into conversation with them. I'm pretty sure it began with me asking about their tattoos (I love tattoos. And I also know they always have a story...) Long story short, they are christians, she's not from here and doesn't know a bunch of people, and aren't currently attending a church. So I invited them to the Church I'm a part of Cornerstone, gave her my name and number and told her I'd love to take them anytime. She added me to facebook a few days later :) I'm excited to get to know them, they are into art too!

Tonight, also a Saturday......I worked again. I'll spare the details....maybe someday the readers of this blog will get to hear them..... In short it was a God moment that totally made me laugh on the inside for the rest of the night. I could just imagine God smiling and enjoying His humor!

I guess in short....I should be willing to work more Saturday nights....

Fight Like a girl!

Around Father's Day this past June, My dad's sister Kathy found out she had Uteran Cancer. It was very early stage, and they did surgery mid July. This was very hard for my family especially considering my grandparents are yet to have had cancer themselves, but had to watch their daughter have it. She had the BEST attitude about it. Sh

e remade upbeat before and after surgery becoming a great testimony to all of our family. 

Healing took a little longer than expected, but she started chemo just over a month ago. She knew her hair would fall out and decided that she would rather just shave it off than go through watching it coming out. So one night last week I went over and shaved her head. God is teaching me much about strength through her!

just before the fun began...

Cutting the first locks off

After cutting it all short with scissors...

Admiring my handy work :)

The minor detail I left out.....She decided that if she had to lose her hair, she was going to have fun with it. We shaved ISU into her hair, and she left it for the football game! This probably makes her the COOLEST AUNT.

The two of us after the fact. She's beautiful!

SUMMA

Wow. I laugh when I see my last post was 6.21.09. I guess I've been busy....

That last post was three days before one of my friends left for basic training. We've not been friends for a real long time, but I truly valued the 4 months of friendship we had before she left. I learned more about myself and God during that time then I have in awhile. I love when God places people like that in your life and allows it to be so evident.

July 5-11 Was spent in Rosebud, SD with 13 soon to be 9th grade students and 5 other adults. The students were AMAZING! And I truly mean that. They planned out skits and a message every night for kids club, were enthusiastic about serving wherever needed, allowed kids to crawl all over them begging to be played with despite their exhaustion, had a friendly cooking competition, and just enjoyed each others company. I had been wrestling with knowing whether or not God was using me in the lives of others. It was sweet to be on this trip and see God provide a very clear message to me that He is using me.

Thursday the 9th I was working at the community center doing landscaping with 4 men from the reservation. I grew up on the farm so I was really looking forward to hauling dirt and planting some trees ;) Two of these men were Darrell and Terry. Terry is around my age and made it very evident he wasn't a huge fan of the white people. 

I asked them different questions about their lives only to find out that Terry was the only one willing to carry a conversation. Darrell just watched, the other two men worked together on their own thing. Terry finally said "Why are you here?" To which I replied with "To help the people here." Of course his response was "What people? and What do YOU get out of it?" I looked at him smiled and said "The pure joy of helping." and walked off knowing this was going to be a challenging day since he was being stubborn and I wasn't walking down from my bold stance either. 

I could tell they didn't much respect women. Mostly by the way they kept ordering me around, which I tolerated for awhile. Then finally after a couple hours I said, "You know, where I come from, we say PLEASE AND THANK YOU," and went about the task that was asked of me. Later I heard them saying please and thank you (very much to my surprise) and I smiled and said, "Terry, it works pretty good doesn't it?"

I learned a lot talking to Terry that day; about life on the reservation, the poverty level, some of his life story, and the religious aspect of their culture. 

The next day I showed up, which was our last day on the reservation, very much looking forward to talking with Terry again. To my surprise Terry and Darrell didn't show up. Talk about a lesson in tomorrow isn't a promise. Later a woman came outside and said there was a phone call for a Jessie.....I'm thinking "WHAT???" Yes. Darrell called the community center knowing I was working there again. He made mention that I was the only person He remembered the name of. That he was tired of being caught in the lifestyle he was in, but didn't know how to get out and wanted help. The desperation was so evident and it brought me to tears. I asked to pray for him and prayed that God would give him the strength in Him to leave the lifestyle and the people to support him.

At first, I was mad at God for allowing this to happen on the last day we were there! (I know, I know.... it's just the reality of my heart) Then after talking to another leader about it she said, "Jessie it's not about our timing, how sweet that God used you even on the last day!" Then the moment of......... oh yeah I was praying to be shown this just before I came. God didn't have to have him call me or make it known to me that he had been listening the whole day prior. I could choose to be disappointed that I couldn't be there to help this guy get the help he wanted.... or I could choose to see it as a blessing that God allowed me to see Him using me.

Sadly, I don't have pictures of either of these men... But a bunch of the kids there!

The whole crew after doing a free car wash for the community.

Working on a sweet art project to hang in the Community Center.

Before We hung it The top Says "Red, yellow, black, and white.... We are precious in His Sight" We painted all the scrap pieces those colors, and then I had the students come up with things that show that. Hand prints, some bible verses, etc are what they came up with! So cool :)

PJ. If you've ever been to rosebud before, you probably know this kid. I have such a heart for him. May God continue to pour out His love on Him through His church. 

Felician. All I can say is God is going to use him for a great Kingdom work. One of the brightest kids I've ever met and so eager to learn more while ensuring what he has heard is truth. 

My friend Andrea and I have really been exploring the art of Canning and freezing food. I can remember many summer days growing up helping with freezer corn at my grandparents house. We both love the idea of growing produce to provide for the summer months as well as during the Winter. And it will save us money as well as be healthier than canned food from the store! So far we've done somewhere around 50 quarts of green beans (canned and pickled), 48 bags of freezer corn, and 16- 8 oz. jars of freezer jam. GOOD EATS!

Our first project- green beans. Her husband even joined in the efforts and pickled some green beans... I was skeptical at first, but the really are good!

project 2 - Freezing Corn. And yes each of those containers is filled with corn either in queue, cooking, or cooling.

Starting the process of packaging and beginning to freeze the bags.

Andrea and I after our crazy weekend of feezing corn until 3 a.m. Sunday morning and then making freezer jam Sunday after church!

We're soo cool :)

This is a long post. But I think that's the highlights for the most part of my summer.

Deadlines

I'm a hard worker. I enjoy being diligent at my job and getting a lot accomplished in a days work. I'm thankful I have a job that involves some physical labor, which allows me to feel like I 'worked'...........However when it comes to deadlines, I suck.

I'm not sure what is it about deadlines that deter me from being efficient with my time leading up to them. I think some part of me thinks that if I put something off long enough it won't happen or come. The other negative reinforcement is that I've discovered waiting until the last minute, especially with art, I have produced some of my best works.

There are a few deadlines in my life, fast approaching. One of which I felt was so important I even wrote a count down on my calendar to remind me to be purposeful with my time. This last week I was thinking about that countdown I started......and I realized that I could tell a lot about how I viewed God by how I was handling my deadlines.

I feel like on some days God is the last item on the list of importance, which is wrong I know. So often I get into a mindset that "God put these things in my path today so clearly I should give them my full attention." And yes it's possible, rather very likely, that He has put things in my path, however if I don't maintain my relationship with Him, I limit the possibilities of these things. It's my choice.

Waiting until the last minute, I'm seeing, in many ways, limits my view of God. By waiting I end up not expecting something BIG, or trusting in Him through the situation. I truly desire both of these though.

"God help me with my close-mindedness. Help me to see your power and strength when I depend fully on you."

Herb Garden

I love the idea of growing a garden. I love it so much that I've helped my dad plant 9 acres of asparagus and 6 acres of raspberries. CLEARLY not just for our own consumption :) But I love home grown vegetables.....so to my delight while garage selling I found a herb growing kit so that you can have home grown herbs year round! 

The kit came with 2 packages each of parsley, dill, basil and cilantro, and as the box says.....$1.00. Such a deal :)

Lesson #2938465

I've always been a bit feisty. I can't exactly explain why....Maybe it has something to do with the fact that whenever my grandma is asked how she is doing her answer is "fat and sassy, mean and nasty." Ha... it's possible, I guess, however, I think a better explanation is probably that I've seen a lot of situations given up on in my life. Not to discredit any party or give blame, just in general. So because of this, I've learned a great deal about 'Learning to pick your battles' More often than not things don't bother me too much....However occasionally I get stubborn about my developed opinion and I'm not willing to sway on it. And I've learned that sometimes, it is better to keep this opinion to myself. Unfortunately this revelation often comes after I've already shared it.

Recently God provided a chance for me to shine at this, or to fall on my face. It came in the form of a conversation and someone said something that really triggered me. I instantly had at least 5 things to fire back....instead I sat there for a minute slightly shocked by the conversation.

I sat long enough to realize I had a choice. I could fire back....which would probably only begin/extend the issue. OR I could CHOOSE to see it as a blessing. A blessing in disguise for sure...but a blessing no less!!! As I sat there I began to pray for this person and the conversation. It was somewhat frustrating in the moment I wont lie. I even had to call a friend that I knew would speak wisdom and truth to me. It's been three days and I'm still thinking about it. I think the most awestrucking part is that God quite possibly allowed what was said, to be said, just so that I would pray!!

Eagles and Turkeys

So I was talking with a guy in my life who is very much a father figure, and also happens to be an amazing man of God. We were talking about wanting to live for God completely in all areas of life and what that might look like. It was really a cool conversation! Then He spoke these words:

"If you want to soar like and Eagle, you can't pair up with a turkey. (long pause) Because turkeys don't fly."

I told Him whether he knew it or not, He spoke some very wise words to me. So often I think we get in this mind set of 'I'm gonna change and live sold out for God.' YET, at the same time we keep the things in our life that deterred us in the first place.

That's like thinking and hoping a seed of any kind will turn into its mature form without planting it. NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!! We can see the absurdity of this idea, yet somehow have a hard time connecting the same truth to our lives.

I'm reminded of 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" Paul in this scripture shares with us this wisdom that we can't keep the old with the new. It is very hard to know this truth in the midst of situations. But looking back, I can see exactly when I believed and followed these truths and the fruit that came from it!

So here's to soaring like an eagle, finding other eagles to soar with............and leaving the turkeys for Thanksgiving ;)

Mighty to Save

This week was the last 'real' week of TSC. Next week there is still Salt, but it's Anthem! And I love Anthem :) My friends and I started some odd tradition of dressing up like country folk.....which makes it all the more funny. (I think this tradition started because my friend and I randomly bought new cowboy boots on the day of one Anthem and of course wore them to show them off...)

Anyways. Salt Company. 4.23.09 Mark Arant. Romans 16

We began the night singing two of my three favorite songs. Two of the lines from both songs were:

"You've stolen my heart, yes you have"

"I cannot run, your love is chasing me"

And that just got me to thinking about God's constant pursuit of us. He never gives up on us, and I love that. Everyone on this earth will, at some point, fail us. It's inevitable, were human, sinful, and suck at life from time to time. BUT He doesn't!!!

I've really been battling through this concept due to a situation that is very dear to my heart. We chase after so many things in this life because we think we will find our happiness in them. We are such short term thinkers. We need to see results right now, or it couldn't POSSIBLY be beneficial for us. I know that I need to think long term, and I strive to do so....but amidst all the marketing and promoting of 'this will make you happy, you need this, everyone has it' we are encouraged to jump the short term thinking boat. (thanks to my marketing degree I don't buy these slogans as much anymore  ;) ha)

Another part of this problem is, is that when we sin, and sin boldly Satan convinces us that we are far beyond the reach of God and that God couldn't possibly want us back. The lies go deeper into we could never be forgiven for whatever we've done. These statements, which are lies, couldn't be farther from the truth. The God who SAVED you, is ABLE to SAVE you AGAIN. In other words He is willing and able to fight for you and does not desire to let you go. He longs to establish us in our faith. He has called us His. This truth blows me away in awe of who He is and how much he loves you and me. He is mighty to save.

That truth has given me so much assurance for the lost sheep out there, and for those of us who slip into short term thinking. He desires to take us out of our depths, and show us who we can be.

His love is chasing you.

The Lost Sheep

This past week at church we went through Matthew 18:1-14. I've always liked certain verses, but I think it's safe to say that this chunk of scripture is my favorite. Especially v. 10-14 which read: 

"See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should be lost."

Seeing God's heart like this amazes me. He has 99 being obedient, following Him. Yet, he leaves them, to go and find the one that has strayed away. He is not willing that any of these be lost. I think this truth is the key to defeating Satan's lies when we've been tempted into sin and are believing that God has given up on us. SO far from the truth!!

So often we get in a mindset of looking down on the 'lost sheep' and their waywardness. Like verse 10 and 11 say "don't look down on one of these..." God has His angels watching them as well as us, and who are we to question their path or God's timing. 

We are always influencing those around us. The impending question is towards what? It is my prayer that I am influencing those around me towards Him. I, like you, have my lost sheep kind of days. It is because of those kind of days I'm able to see the reward, value, and urgency to allow Him to bring us back to the flock!

Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem. Seize the Day. Use the Moment You're In. Step Out Into the Day. Take Advantage of what You've Been Given.

Every Monday night is art night for Ms. Abby Wiese and myself. It's an awesome outlet to express the talents we've both been given. This past week I invited another friend to come hang out with us. I gave her a canvas and said "get busy." Ha. Little did I know it was going to be the thought at the forefront of my mind for the following week.

Carpe Diem is what she chose to paint. We talked a little bit about it that night, but it was the following days conversations that really got me!

At work on Tuesday, I was talking about Carpe Diem and what that means to each of my co-workers. Obviously, seize the day, was one of their answers, to which I politely said, "and that means what for you?" It was sweet to listen to their answers! It was the conversation for the next two days.

Wednesday night came and the passage was on Philippians 1:27 "Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel." Interesting. Whatever happens, conduct yourself in a way worthy of the gospel. Live for someone other than yourself. Use what you've been given to glorify Him who first gave it to you. Despite how others respond, continue to choose to step out. Carpe Diem.

At this point I'm clearly thinking "okay God, I get it. You want me to seize the day. Not let other people's opinions effect my own.....But what situation exactly are you getting at?" a few minutes pass and the "AHA" moment comes. Got it. I'll choose to Seize the Day in all circumstances. Then one of my new favorite songs came to mind. Bebo Norman "Step Out Into the Day" the lyrics are as follows:

You could turn a hundred years and never empty all your fears
They're pouring out like broken words and broken bones
They could fill a thousand pages, be the cry for all the ages
And the song for every soul who stands alone

The ache of life is more than you are able
Hold on love, don't give upDon't close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It's over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it's all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It's over now

Time will let the story told grow and grow 'til it unfolds
In a way that even you cannot ignore
You can say the seasons change but never if you just remain
In a place where the freeze is at your door

What you don't know is the signs are right for the turning tide

Hold on love, don't give up
Don't close your eyes
The light is breaking through the night

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It's over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it's all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love

Hold on, hold on
It won't be long
So hold on

Step out into the day, all the clouds and all the rain are gone
It's over now
Step out into the sun, for you have only begun to know
What it's all about
As the hungering dark gives way to the dawn, my love
It's over now.

LOVE IT!! Go out and Seize the Day.